Potter!
by CelestialTitania
Summary: Pansy realizes that everyone is using Potter's name as a curse. It annoys her to no end.


**Based on prompt where everyone at Hogwarts says Potter the way people said "Thanks, Obama." **

**It was supposed to be crack but it turned a little angsty at the end. Not to be taken entirely serious. I wrote this, procrastinating on studying for midterms. Enjoy!**

* * *

Draco sat down at the Slytherin table angrily. Pansy looked at him hesitantly before clearing her throat. "You alright Draco?"

"No. No I'm not," Draco hissed furiously. She exchanged glances with Blaise, gesturing for the other boy to continue the interrogation. Blaise shook his head, refusing but Pansy wasn't about to take no for an answer. "If you don't, Draco will sulk all day! So just ask," She whispered in his ear before putting her hand on Draco's arm to comfort him.

"Ahem, want to talk about it Draco?" Blaise asked after Pansy glared at him again. "No! Absolutely not!" Draco replied. Blaise sighed in relief, but Pansy opened her mouth to protest. Before she could say anything though, Draco began his rant.

"If you _insist _upon knowing, its Potter okay? It's always Potter! He just can't let me be in peace can he? Every time he has to show up and make sure absolutely _nothing _goes my way!"

"What did he do?" Theo questioned curiously, overhearing the conversation.

"What did he do? What. Did. He. Do? It'd be better if you asked what he didn't do!"

"Okay what happened?" Before Draco could answer Pansy, she interrupted. "From the beginning!"

Draco sighed and nodded. "So, I'm in the library doing my homework for Professor Snape. The essay on the uses of goosegrass and horklump juice. A full 13 inches!"

"Okay?" Theo, Blaise and Pansy all say simultaneously. "The worst right?" Draco told them, thinking they were sympathizing with him.

"Right when I finish, literally writing down the last word, that kid Anthony Goldstein moved the table when he went to get another book. It caused my ink pot to spill all over my essay. I had to spend an extra hour redoing it!"

"Um…what did Potter have to do with it then?" Blaise asked quietly.

"Everything! Weren't you listening?" Draco asked exasperatedly.

"No, we were. It's just Potter wasn't a part of your story." Theo told him bluntly.

"Yeah, he was."

"No, he wasn't." The other three all denied.

"Okay obviously, Potter did something to make Goldstein move at that _exact _moment so I would be forced to redo my work. He's always spying on me and everything!"

"Well, he _does _spy on you quite a bit," Pansy agreed with Draco there.

"See? So, it definitely had to be him!"

Theo, Blaise and Pansy all exchanged looks. They weren't sure as to how much they bought that Potter had sabotaged Draco's homework but Draco's suspicions seemed real enough. They were willing to accept it, if it meant they didn't have to deal with Draco in a bad mood.

"Alright, then let's eat," Pansy shrugged. The other kids were all coming in and food was appearing on the tables, courtesy of the house elves. Not even five minutes later, Draco pouted and began to whine.

"All dishes I dislike. Three guesses who's behind that."

"The house elves?" Vincent guessed, already stuffing his face with food. Pansy wrinkled her nose at the sight.

"Nope! It's obviously Potter!"

"Er, how do you figure?" Theo asked, furrowing his brow. "Yeah, I doubt Potter even knows where the kitchens are." Blaise agreed.

"Oh, he knows. I'm sure! He has this effect on house elves you know?"

"Just because your old house elf turned traitor for him, doesn't mean that they're all in love with him," Pansy cut in dryly, getting tired of talking about Potter again.

Draco looked at her pityingly, making her hackles rise. "You say that, because you don't know Potter."

Like he did, the prat. Or perhaps he did, Pansy mused. He certainly spent a lot of time spying on and thinking about the Gryffindor. The two really were obsessed with each other. Currently, Draco was going on and on about Potter's charming qualities which possessed house elves to forget themselves and follow him blindly. Pansy rolled her eyes.

"...I know I'm right. And I won't let him get away with this!" Draco finally finished his speech only to find his audience had stopped listening and were working on finishing their meals. Seeing their reaction, Draco moodily began to eat.

Pansy reveled in the momentary silence before a first-year Hufflepuff began crying. Loudly enough that his cries were heard throughout the Great Hall. Professor Sprout hurried towards him and after a few moments turned back to face everyone.

"It's just a toothache! No reason to worry!" With that everyone returned to their meals and Sprout took the ickle Hufflepuff to Pomfrey.

"Poor Hufflepuff," Draco sighed making all of his yearmates freeze and turn to him in shock. "What?" He defended when he saw everyone looking at him.

"Draco's gone mad hasn't he?" Blaise whispered to Pansy.

"No. No…" Pansy lied unconvincingly.

"I just feel bad that Potter caused that Hufflepuff kid to get hurt." Draco explained. "How'd he manage that?" Theo asked dumbfounded.

"Potter has his ways. He probably slipped something into that Hufflepuff's food which caused him to have a toothache."

"Why?" Gregory asked, with unblinking fascination. Pansy resisted the urge to sigh and facepalm at the insanity.

"You know," Draco waved his arms wildly. "He must have this nefarious scheme to make people clean their teeth! Think of all the awful things he could do, if people have shiny white teeth and good smelling breath!"

"Okay. _Now _, Draco's gone mad," Pansy decided. Beside her, Blaise nodded wholeheartedly. Theo patted Draco's back slowly.

"Alright. Whatever you say. Let's go back to our common room yeah?" He suggested to Draco who was still staring mournfully after the poor Hufflepuff boy.

The Slytherins all let Draco lead the way, hoping they wouldn't be subjected to yet another rant as to how Potter was the root cause of all problems. That's when they saw a Ravenclaw stub his foot on a door.

"Ouch!" She yelped. Before Pansy or any of the other Slytherins could laugh or jeer at her, the Ravenclaw spat out "Potter."

"Did you say Potter?" Draco burst out. The girl startled, before nodding. "Because it was obviously his fault right?" Draco continued.

The Ravenclaw shrugged. "More like it's easy to blame him." Draco had begun to look at the Ravenclaw girl with awe, as if she held the answers to life's every mystery.

"Draco's found his people," Theo commented. Pansy blinked in disbelief. "This isn't happening," she groaned. Blaise looked at her sympathetically as she buried her head in her hands.

"Its Potter," Gregory said with a surprising bout of clarity. Pansy supposed it was partially true. It was Potter's fault, Draco was acting like a lunatic. And apparently the behaviour was infectious. Then she looked up.

Oh. It was Potter. He was standing there, staring at them. She should've known Gregory meant it literally. Draco and the Ravenclaw hadn't noticed, still talking about the benefits of blaming Potter for everything.

"Can we help you?" She snapped at the bespectacled boy. He was frowning but shook his head. He looked upwards as if searching for guidance before silently shuffling away. Pansy thought she heard him muttering that he didn't want to know. If only she had that luxury.

"I'm leaving," she announced. "And going where?" Theo wondered. Pansy pointed at the weirdness which was Draco having a friendly chat with someone of a different house. "Away from that," she told him and Blaise before spinning on her heel.

Maybe Pansy would find Daphne and Millicent. They'd be good for her mental health.

* * *

The next day, in charms class Pansy wanted to scream. She was sitting with Millicent and Daphne and their very presence was more comforting than having to watch out for Draco. Unfortunately, they were sitting behind some very loud Hufflepuffs. Loud Hufflepuffs who couldn't get the severing charm right.

It wasn't that difficult. But with every failed _Diffindo_, the Hufflepuffs would mutter Potter with varying levels of frustration. The Hufflepuffs!

If Draco could affect the Hufflepuffs with his insanity so quickly, Pansy figured Hogwarts was a lost cause.

There were just another ten minutes of class. All Pansy had to do was get through the rest of class then she could go to the Astronomy Tower and debat with herself if living such a messed life was worth it.

She lay her head on the desk, having completed the spell ages ago and even earning five points for Slytherin. That's when she saw it happen. The beginning of the end.

Professor Flitwick tripped on his robes and fell face first to the ground. As he pushed himself upwards, he muttered a single name. Potter.

Pansy had heard Professor Snape blame Potter for many things before. Much like Draco, whether he was physically present or not. But this? This was too much.

Pansy got up. Collected her things and calmly walked towards the door. The moment she stepped outside the classroom, she rushed down the hallway. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going. Thus, it was no surprise that she bumped into Granger, causing both of their things to go flying.

"Damn it, Potter," Granger growled.

Pansy stared. "It's Parkinson. Why would you say Potter?"

"Huh?" Granger asked dumbly. Then she flushed. "Oh, sorry. It's just habit."

"Habit?" Pansy squeaked. Dear Merlin, what had Draco started exactly? While she was lost in thought, Granger had gathered her things and was holding them out to Pansy.

Pansy's mouth fell open and she gaped openly. Granger rolled her eyes. "Are you going to take it or not?" Pansy took it stiffly. When she made no move to continue on to her destination, Granger walked away. She kept stealing glances at Pansy as if _she _were the crazy one.

Pansy screwed her eyes shut, hoping this was some sort of nightmare she had dreamt up. If she heard the word Potter again anytime soon, she might end up committing murder.

Of course at that very moment the halls flooded. It seemed as if the only thing anyone was capable of saying was Potter. Or rather blaming Potter when he wasn't even there!

Forget the Astronomy Tower. Pansy was going to bed. Preferably for the entire time she had to remain at Hogwarts.

* * *

"You alright?" Lily Moon asked Pansy the next morning. "You slept through dinner."

"I blame frustration," Pansy sighed. Lily raised a brow, silently demanding to know more.

"It's the thing with Potter that's been going around. People have started blaming him for things when he wasn't even there to cause them!"

"So?" Lily asked, sounding rather lost. "People have been doing that ever since the whole Chamber of Secrets debacle. This isn't new Pansy."

"Well yes...but they're blaming him when they stub their toe on a door! Stupid things like that!"

Lily still looked bemused. "Still not new."

"Wait, what? Didn't Draco just start this whole thing?" Lily shook her head, shocking Pansy. She hadn't realized she was so out of the loop concerning things that were happening at Hogwarts. "You sure?" She questioned Lily hopefully.

The taller girl nodded matter-of-factly, her dark blonde hair moving with her. Pansy sighed tiredly. "It seems worse now though."

"Yeah, that much is true," Lily acquiesced. "No, I'm not sure what changed," Lily told her before Pansy had the chance to question her.

"So, I just have to live with it?" Pansy sighed. Lily nodded. "I hate everything."

That made Lily laugh. "Potter probably does too."

"You think I'm about to talk to Potter?" Pansy asked incredulously. Lily shrugged.

"He's probably the only other person who's as tired of all this as you are." Pansy had to admit. Lily had a point. Pansy still wasn't about to talk to Harry Potter though. She wasn't that desperate.

"Want to get some food then?" Lily asked Pansy curiously. After having skipped dinner the last night, Pansy was starving. "Definitely," Pansy insisted getting ready to go to the Great Hall with her fellow Slytherin.

However, what Pansy wanted didn't seem to be happening nowadays. She and Lily passed around five different people blaming Potter for their problems before they ran into Potter himself.

He was sitting at the Gryffindor table by himself, surrounded by books, parchment and ink. He was scribbling something furiously. The Weasley twins were sitting a couple feet away, glancing at Potter excitedly.

Pansy recognized that look. They had a prank planned for the Gryffindor Golden boy. Well, even if she didn't plan on eating, she would definitely be staying to watch the prank come into fruition. The twins were funny when they weren't pranking Slytherins.

Pansy didn't have to wait long. Potter tried to get up but it looked as if he were stuck. Pretty soon, it became evident that the twins had glued him to his seat. Pansy hoped it was with a powerful sticking charm. That would take forever to remove.

As Potter struggled, his elbow collided with his ink pot and it splattered all over him. He removed the pot, grimacing as ink went all over his fingers. "Potter!" He cursed and Pansy _died _.

She stormed over to Harry bloody Potter and waited for him to look up at her. He didn't disappoint. "Can I help you?" He asked her blandly.

"How can you, you of all people use your own name that way?" Pansy demanded. Potter blink nonplussed. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb!" She snapped. "I heard you just now! When you spilled the ink, you said Potter."

"So I said my name. What's the big deal?" Potter shot back.

"Don't you know?" Pansy asked exasperatedly. "Everyone's been using your name as if they were blaming you for every little thing that goes wrong in their life."

"Oh. That," Potter sighed.

"Yeah. That. Doesn't it bother you?"

"Why does it bother you?"

Pansy paused, not having an answer for him. Why did it bother her so much? "B-because," she stammered. "It's as if they have nothing better to do! I'm a Slytherin, house of the ambitious. If people keep blaming everyone but themselves, they won't get anywhere." Pansy relaxed once she finished talking. That had to be it.

"Never seemed to bother you before. This isn't anything new." Pansy froze. She had heard those words before. She turned around to glance at Lily who was watching her talk to Potter, a strange look on her face.

What was it Granger had said yesterday? _"It's just habit." _Turning back to Potter, it hit her like a ton of bricks. He had gotten used to it. What else was he supposed to do when even his closest friends were using his name as a curse. As if he only made things go wrong.

Potter seemed to know she had come to that realization, because he smiled at her ruefully. "Can't beat them, join them right?"

Pansy shook his head, feeling awful. It wasn't a feeling she was accustomed to. "That's not okay," she whispered.

"It is what it is," Potter didn't sound bothered by it but Pansy knew better. "I'm not going to join them," she announced.

Potter blinked, uncomprehending her words. Pansy elaborated. "You said can't beat them, join them. Well, I'm not going to join them. So you shouldn't either. Grow a backbone, for Merlin's sake."

"What." Potter said monotonously.

"I mean it!" Pansy said indignantly. "You obviously have terrible friends. Lucky for you, this whole thing has bothered me enough that I'm going to be your friend."

"What." Potter repeated. He seemed to be trying to bore a hole into her head with all his staring.

"You and I? We're friends now," Pansy enunciated, so her words could get through his rather thick skull. Idly, Pansy wondered if she'd broken him.

"What." Potter said once again.

"Okay, you need to really expand your vocabulary." Pansy shook her head at him.

That seemed to jar him into talking normally again. "Wait, hold up. You want to be friends with me?"

"Why not? I seem to be the only person who has any common sense in this school. We'd make great friends. All my other friends have gone insane. And so have yours."

Potter laughed. Then he stopped. "You're serious?" He asked, all wide eyes and with some strange sort of hope. Pansy nodded. Potter seemed to consider it.

"I thought all Slytherins hated me?" He questioned warily. Pansy supposed he at least had some self-preservation skills.

"Not hate," Pansy denied. "Just extreme dislike. But I dislike stupidity even more than you. And if you stop with your bizarre self-deprecation, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"And the whole...well you know. Thing."

Pansy waved her hand. "Truce, Potter?" After a few moments, Potter nodded. "One condition though," he negotiated. Pansy privately thought he wasn't in any position to negotiate but consented to hearing him out regardless.

"Call me Harry." It was Pansy's turn to be surprised. Then she nodded and put her hand out for him to shake. "I'm Pansy then." He grabbed her hand and they shook on it.

"Until people stop being so idiotic." Harry said.

"When they get themselves some common sense and courtesy," Pansy added.

When he let go, she realized her hand was now covered in ink. Strangely enough, all it made Pansy do was laugh. Potter...Harry joined in soon after. Somehow, after talking to Harry, Pansy felt lighter. Turning back towards Lily, Pansy found Lily beaming at her. Shooting Pansy one last grin, Lily turned to go join Tracey and Daphne at the Slytherin table.

And to think, if Draco hadn't made such a big deal out of the whole Potter thing, Pansy would've never noticed.

Unbeknownst to the pair, their respective Gryffindor and Slytherin friends were watching frozen at the entrance of the Great Hall. As if they were ensuring, that Pansy and Harry remained friends for a long time, they all collectively muttered "Potter!"


End file.
